.

'the aim of life is to live, and to live means to be aware, joyously, drunkenly, serenely, divinely, aware.' ((henry miller))

heart.

.

.of the.

charcoal drawings.night previous
sorest shoulder blades.year, so far
end.weekend

wild honey pie.

zoe and i in the basement singing along with otis. the records sound so nice with my old reciever and speakers. the snares rattle when we get in the upper registers.

the change of seasons is official today. down.pouring rain. cold fingers and toes while biking. but it is time for soup. and hot tea. and hot americanos. and much work in the studio. in the land.

red lips and gold eyeliner. glass didn't even recognize me at the airport. not at first.
red lips at the puppet show. i couldn't dress up anything else.
red lips.

my world is new. fresh. wonderous. inspiring. exciting.
i have entered a new time. everything has shifted. i have a better handle on my sensitivities. they don't affect me as much. i don't let them. i can even use them to my benefit. i have a surplus of creative energy i have been saving in my recent years of being so guarded. and scared. and observant. the fun is that i have unleashed it. and now it is carrying me. i am ready for the ride.

and it is so nice to listen to the white album. the first time i ever heard the white album was in minneapolis. in the attic room. six years ago.

earth to people.

inspired by much to say the least. but one statement i came across the other day. i love it.

earth to people: love is the ultimate truth at the heart of existence. treat eachother with care. to be cynical is no longer useful and wildly irresponsible. please, be here now. -tenderpants

blessed.

wonder. sense of wonder. state of wonder. wonderment. awe. veneration. admiration. fascination. enchantment. raptness. hero worship. surprise. astonishment. amazement. astoundment. shock. stupefaction. dumbfoundment.

get ready.

margarita.

to celebrate the end of an amazing summer.

so much growth.

and on to the next season. with a new do from kim.e. and a newfound inspiration and confidence for my work and ideas. everything is possible. everything will happen. magic.

.

it is so nice to really make the connection. shine light. help someone smile. remember that everything is as it should be. so nice to be nice. be inspired. feeling so good. having love.

love. much.

beautiful, beautiful evening.

180˚.

moon.heart.

thinking of my mom.

listening to carol king.

enigmatic.

tonight was the busiest night of the month in the pearl district. although it is at times difficult for me to partake in such highly social events, i made it through the evening having seen a wide range of work. i also dodged many cars and pedestrians as everyone was completely oblivious to anything happening directly outside their flow. one guy wanted to take my picture and use my face for a project he was working on on his computer. i said no.

i was surprised however in the lack of substance i felt for 87% of the work i viewed this evening. i am left feeling confused about what my definition(s) of art is. confused.

maybe it is worth the wait to see so much that leaves you feeling nothing so you are fully prepared when you get punched in the gut by that unsuspecting piece hanging in the corner. but some work i find aesthetically beautiful but feel nothing...but like to look at it. and much of the work that punches me in the gut is not work i wish was hanging in my living room.

so, i am confused...not only about what i see but also what i am doing. is it okay to pour out emotion into something...selfish emotion...and expect other people to understand it? of even like it or feel something from it? or is that just for me. and it is the process that is for me, because in most cases i am completely detatched from the piece when it is done. and what determines if it is done is when we have finished our exchange (the piece and i).

confused. bewildered. disconcerted. worried. perplexed. nonplussed. confounded. baffled. puzzled. discomposed. in a quandary. at a loss for words. embarrassed.

riding the line.

i can identify with both the reconstuctive and deconstuctive sides of post.modernism. i have hope as well as intention. the following statements resonate with me...

'by changing our thinking, we can also change our experience.'

'the truth is that only we have the power to transform our situation: there is no one else. the source of creativity in society is the person.'

'change is most likely to occur through people who are as far removed from cynicism as they are from utopianism.'

'what makes things happen is believing they can happen. those who believe they can do something and those who believe they can't, are both right.'

'the precondition for any human effort is optimism.'

this is a test.

what are you going to do?

don't think about it.

don't have to.

everything is rolling along. when you are rolling along with your current, you don't realize how far you have travelled. especially when you are rolling with a posse.

i could not have imagined this working out more beautifully. this is me taking myself seriously. taking my work seriously. taking my time seriously. but not in too serious of a way. more of a respectful way. i am honoring my magic. my need for expression. i am in full acceptance of all of my little quirks with the understanding that each of them is just some form of unconsious expression.

the view.

down.




out.

in #407.

i got life.

nina simone running 'round my brain.

what a beautiful day. everything worked out wonderfully. the weather was perfect. syncronicity was right on. manifestations were pulling through. and everyone was nice and helpful and sweet.

dipped in pastels. setting the space. something so great is beginning out of this little space. and it is so much more than a work space. it is an info shop. an open forum. a critique. a time to focus. taking ourselves seriously. we have chosen this path. setting the space at this critical time is opening the flood gates of possibilities.

i am blessed.

in it.

attempting to be fully in each moment. over being checked out. tired of dealing with checked out folks. there is too much magic to happen. too much to learn and discover. too much to be accomplished. too much sharing.

i have a lot of amazing people in my life. the more i open up and let go, the more amazing.ness appears. it is a good cycle.

if you.

think too much, you will never get anything done. you must come out of your head. into your body. ground yourself. like reeling in a kite. and the kites have been flying very well as of late due to all of the wind. strong winds.

such a beautiful evening, i wish i was feeling better. there is no one to take care of me if my situation worsens. may the astral plane bring much clarity and inspiration, or at least a good time.

and you're sure to feel better.

good sleep. a clove of garlic. a neti pot. some cardio. everyday.

just a few things to keep the body in check. the garlic burns. chew fast. exhaling the presence for the remainder of the evening. i don't think i will make to see the husbands and dark skies. although i was fully prepared to, my body says no.

packing it in.

sore body. i must roll around on some golf balls.

sore cheeks. too much smiling. too much squinting in the sun. but it is one of those goods sores.

reflecting on my physical ability to make it through the events of the evening. there are a few other logistical details to consider as well. the wind for one. biking back and fourth, up and down, with the wind and against the wind may be a bit tiring. my last stop for the evening puts me the farthest from home, so i must have the energy to return.

it is a trip when the spirit wants to keep moving and do so many magical things but the body can't make it. for one reason or another.

off to stretch in the backyard. get the blood pumping. circulating.