what am i doing?

this question has presented itself on a number of occasions in the last 24 hours. i have found no answers.

i am delving into myself. i want to learn. i want to find all of things i have hidden away in all of the dark corners. i wish to blow off the dust and look at these old treasures with new eyes...with a new perspective in this new time. i wonder what i will do with them now. now that i have so many new tools...new strengths.

at this moment, there is a sadness draping my thoughts. its presence is felt but not overpowering. i am trying use it to some advantage. ideally i would like to gain some perspective. this is me being optimistic. i am always being optimistic. i never want to offend anyone. i am always accomodating of everyone else's needs. i am nice.

why? what? why am i school? why am in portland? what am i doing now? what am i doing with my life? why am i here?